its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
