Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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