Yo dont text me then not text me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She announced her abortion via fbk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
