Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
farters have to be the big spoon...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
