That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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