"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize