so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize