You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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