i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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