Can i not drive my cunt home
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize