I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ketchup is God's man juice
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
