so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
