I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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