Don't make out with my wife yet
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
