life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
