Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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