He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize