I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
