i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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