Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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