it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
