I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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