There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
