how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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