imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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