At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize