i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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