a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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