I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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