Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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