You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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