i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
