oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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