I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
