True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
