there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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