Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just cropdusted the office
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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