no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
