I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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