I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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