all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
