I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
