I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
