thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
