My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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