Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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