i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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