i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
