Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
