We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
