Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
