Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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