Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
