he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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