I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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