i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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