someone threw a dead crab at me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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