you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
