You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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