This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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