I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
