I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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