I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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