Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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