EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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