i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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