Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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