I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
