just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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