They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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