Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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