They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All the doctor said was why
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
