I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
