According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
