I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm too high and old for this...
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