how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize