Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
