he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
