Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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