Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
