Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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