I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
