HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
