in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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