went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
