Umm I'm too high to move.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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