if i can run in heels then i can drive
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
