So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
