you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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