I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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