i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
