Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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