there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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