Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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