i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
