Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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