Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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