How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
