So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
