I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
