did you get engaged???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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