Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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