i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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