I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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